we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
