I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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