she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
