your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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