Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
