So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
