Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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