So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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