I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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