I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
