watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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