She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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