Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
