Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
