escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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