shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize