I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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