And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
