Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
