Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
