dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My bed smells like the plague
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