I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
