the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
