remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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