i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize