U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
