Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
