I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
