based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
