I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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