we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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