Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize