Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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