wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
