On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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