I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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