You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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