I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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