Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
