I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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