guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
too bad you live with your parents still
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
