Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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