Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
