Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
