I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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