we have pet lesbian snakes
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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