shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
