dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
