I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
