The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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