in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can't put those talents on a resume
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
