i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
We smell like vodka and hangover
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
