I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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