so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
