Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
