Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am puke
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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