he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
