dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
