If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
