their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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