My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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