pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
