Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
