ugly people sure do ruin things
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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