people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
