i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
