Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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