i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I need to calm my uterus...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My feet surprised me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
