Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
