Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
