I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
