Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i think i have herpe
just one?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
