so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
