"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
