I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
