i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize