Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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