he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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