so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
