Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she pinky promised me she was 18
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
