guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
