I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
this boner is exhausting
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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