that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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