as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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