she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
