i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
