If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
