I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
